IF ONLY

If only 
Roses are as red as they say
I'd like to keep it longer than just one day
If only 
Violets are as purple as they say
I'd like to send you while I'm on my way

If only love is as sweet as they say
If only the fact is as well as we pray
If only my eyes are steady for the fact
not blinded by our horrible act
if only,
we know how to love without hurting each other :)

The fact is

The fact is, we try so hard to be better, or to fix something which is impossible to be fixed. In the end we, or I, at least, have to let it go and accept that some things are really better to be left behind. untouched, unsolved, and maybe unforgivable. And maybe, it hurts so much 'til we can not say sorry or goodbye. The fact is, now we try so much to understand "how to be better", with that broken and flawful past.

Dear You

Dear you..
How are you?
It has been teribble since you were avoiding me
I think I were giving you time.
I don't know if that was means - a long long time -

I'm not good at being a listener, I thought
I can't just sit down and come up with no solution
My bad, I guess.
When you told me everything that night, 
with no preparation, of course I was stunned
I didn't know what to do,
I always think that everything has its solution

Say I'm perfectionist, I don't care..
Say I'm a bad friend, now I'm sad

I know I was , so, so wrong.
I'm sorry that I have no idea that jsomething was happening on you,
I'm such a terrible friend, aren't I?

But back then, I knew I had to do something
But I couldn't do that in person
I knew you might be avoiding me

So I write and write
What did I think, though?
You hate reading.
I'm such a teribble friend, aren't I?

Now it's been days since my letter
Yet I haven't heard anything from you.
I do understand, tho, 
I'm a bad listener maybe.
I don't know.

I hope everything will be okay soon..
IF not, you know
Maybe next time I'll shut my mouth and just listen.

From your very bestfriend,
with regret

Thought about Someone..

One of the worst part about someone dying is thinking back to all those times you didn't ask the right question, all those times you stupidly assumed you'd have all the time in the world. And this too: how all that time feels like not much time at all. What's left feels like something manufactured. The overexposed ghost of memories.

I AM WHO I AM

Is it too late now to hope?

Even they want me to cut all the rope

Is it too late to wish?

You and I probably know how to predict things

I am who I am

We know how to recognize things that matter

I am who I am

And I don't question anybody to answer

I am who I am

For now, I have hope, to wish, 

and at the end..

for all that matters, 

for all the answers.

Me at Relationship

"I'm not good at relationship

I always manage to find the flaws

Sometimes in others, 

but mostly my own

I foretell the ending

And go and create the cause,

Save myself,

and end up alone"

This isn't originally mine, but it's a good quote, not positive, just real.

And anyway, this is so me :) 

So.. Here's the thing

My name is Aileen Gabrielle, you could call me Gabrielle. 
I love reading and sleeping too much 'til I forgot about this blog for 2 years. (litterally)
But haha no, I'm kinda busy these years.
2015 has been a rough year for me, no kidding, (I probably won't tell you why)
Now that 2016 I could relax a little, even in the coming Sept I will enter my next semester.

So, here's the thing..I don't know how to edit my blog template, so I couldn't read any reader's comments (I don't even know if there is someone reading this, tho! LOL)
I am very grateful if someone is reading this. I feel like having a friend that I don't know? okay I'm a weirdo.

And no.. if you think I have no social life.. I'm not the girl in the novel, who luckily meet the popular guy. I'm just a regular teenage girl, having friends, and I love to write and sleep. (Did I just say it again?)

Okaaaaay this getting so long. Byeee.